eye opening

The last couple of months have been eye opening on so many levels. I feel like I’ve learned a lot, and maybe more importantly I’ve learned how to use what I’ve learned.

I’ve learned that there are some things that just don’t work for me, and that some of my coping mechanisms? Actually aren’t. They’re just avoidance, and they can do as much harm as good. Sometimes they can do a lot of harm, in fact, and I’m finally seeing how I can stop them in their tracks. I can feel them coming; I can see how they approach. It’s a little scary actually; but there’s no way I’m going to make progress as a person in this world if I can’t do exactly that: stop doing what doesn’t work, because I’ve seen it before and I can see it now, and I’m not going to fall for it.

It makes me sad that it has taken a long time for some of these things to work themselves around in my brain, it really does. I should have been able to figure this shit out at least 10 years ago. Still, I have to let that go and say, Now is now, and go ahead and move forward.

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